June 5, 2009

Dunah... Dunah...Dunah. DunDunDunnnn

Ok, if you didn't get the title it's the scary music from your worst nightmares. Why? Because my mother-in-law is coming to stay with us. Did you hear me? My mother-in-law is coming to stay with us - tomorrow! Maybe this does not raise the intense fear into you that it does with me, but let's be fair, you've never met this woman. This is the woman who in one breath can tell my I'm lazy for not working over the summer ("it must be nice to sit around all summer and not do anything")while condemning my view of motherhood because I'm "not available" for my kids during the school year. She is never nice to be nice. This is the woman who says what a wonderful cook I am, too bad I can't get everything done at once so we can it while it's hot. She likes to do "helpful" things like reorganize my kitchen cabinets ("why in the world would you put your plates there, don't you know they belong in this cabinet?"). She likes to complain about how my house is not big enough or how we don't use it the way we "should" ("you'll never have room for a big enough dining table in that room, will you?" and "you really don't need an office, you should find a better use for that room"). And of course I don't clean it enough (her: "oh, don't you have a mop" me: yes, why her: "well, your kitchen floor just looks like you don't have a mop") It's never ending and no, this time I am not exaggerating. Just the thought of talking to her raises an intense feeling of dread, I'll be honest, I don't always answer the phone when she calls, and sometimes I throw up a little in my mouth before I do. I can't help it, she makes me physically ill. Remember how I said she was coming to stay with us, well, she's not just visiting, she'll be here for a week.
Let me put this into perspective for you, she lives less than an hour away. That's right, folks, she's not coming across the country or even across the state, she's just the next county over. So, now you may be asking why it is that she feels the need to come for so long. Well, the first reason (if you asked her) is that we never go see her - we don't - she has the same skin-crawling effect on all of us (yes, even my husband, though not the same degree as myself). But, you want to know the real reason? My niece-in-law (MIL's granddaughter) has had her electric turned off because she decided it was more important to take her kids on vacation than to pay the bill. So, their whole family (there's two kids, the most spoiled rotten little heathens you've ever met) will be staying at my mother-in-law's house until they can get their power back on and my niece-in-law's husband doesn't get paid until next week. Since their kids drive my mother-in-law crazy she's coming to stay with us and destroy every bit of self-esteem I have before heading back home to her nice empty house.

You might ask why I don't say something to hubby. Well, he's great about my parents coming to stay for a few days when they are back this way (my parents live in Indiana and we live in Oklahoma, see how they would need to stay here?) and even though he really doesn't like them, he doesn't show it to them. I feel I should do the same for him when his mom is here (even though she doesn't need to stay and she's really just coming to watch me squirm). So, the reason for the post was to say I might not be here as much as I would like for the next few days while I get my life dissected by the maternal genetic donor of my dear husband. If there is any bit of my soul left after she leaves I will be back.

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